last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
