you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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