Sponge bath it is.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
