Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
