I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
