so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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