i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
