Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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