we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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