she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
