Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
