apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
