My cat gives me a boner
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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