i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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