you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
