I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
