the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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