I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
