I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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