Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
