she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
