that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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