why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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