So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
