We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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