you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
