piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
someone owes me an orgasm
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize