After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
