Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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