yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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