i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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