My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
