Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
