What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
