His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sober January is a disaster.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
