i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
