Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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