peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
