just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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