and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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