she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize