When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need a beard to bite.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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