shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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