My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
