I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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