Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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