Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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