theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
