i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
