I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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