My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
