i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
