i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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