In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
