Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
