I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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