does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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