Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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