Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
worst night to have a conscience
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
