I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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