I need help removing her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
