I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
