C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize