I got chris browned last night
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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