I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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