Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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