The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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