I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
