i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize