just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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