but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
