You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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